All posts by phobicgamer

Time Travel and Unravelling

Sometimes I feel this blog has completely died and think I might scrap it completely, and then sometimes I want to write something and revive it and be all blaze and glory. Maybe it just feels dead because I’ve let my inner introvert run wild for quite some time, and I have not been feeling very computer/social media friendly for a long while now. In short my life has pretty much been of the read-only variety lately.

Then the seasons shift and new things happens and your life changes and when the dust finally settles, when things have had their rest, then you look back and realize that time has run ahead of you. You pick up your bags and try to catch up, and along the way you pick up things you’ve lost for a while and those things are more precious than ever. But they might seem foreign too you now and you don’t know how to approach them any more.

That’s the thing; life and routines and emotion and involvement always swerves around in never-ending circles and waves. It pulsates. Much like the blood pumping through your body.

I have no point or conclusion to these ramblings. In all honesty, all I really want do is cuddle up at home with a glass of wine and sort through all my photos from the last year, craft, game, write and generally feel creative and prolific in an introvert kind of way. Bundle up in a coat and a long scarf and go for walks and look at pretty trees with the leaves changing. Drink hot chocolate. Cook an awesome bortsj. Draw a big map of my life on a wall somewhere, step back and look at it and see if I might get a handle on all my projects and plans and things I need to do.

Maybe, if I draw a map, and write everything on post-it notes, connect the dots with multi-coloured pieces of string and tack photos to the wall for visualization, I will finally be so organized that nothing will slip through my fingers. All the secrets to stay focused and proper would be unravelled. Although, I imagine it would look like something planned by a mad man or a super villain. An evil master plan to travel in time. A bit like one of those crazy people in Criminal Minds or Heroes. When you don’t feel like you have a handle on life, those crazy fictional characters don’t seem so cray cray no more.

Sometimes I feel like I need to make like the Doctor and regenerate. That’d be nice. I wonder what my new face would look like.

Don’t disappoint my subconscious, SOE

As the reveal of EQnext is getting closer and closer, I pretty much get more obsessed with it every day. But since there are very, very few details released about the game as of yet, my brain sort of makes up things on its own, when I’m sleeping.

Last night, for instance, I dreamt that I was playing a new fantasy MMO. And I didn’t know how it worked, so I ran around in the world trying to figure things out. I remember being very frustrated, because I could not figure out skills or stats. Or how to open any basic window to read about them.

So I’m shuffling around (I assume my character was a ratonga) in a small village, when suddenly I realize where I can see information about some of my skills. As it happens, one of them, for some reason, is gardening.

”Gardening?” I think, perplexed, and wonder how in hell I am supposed to raise that skill. So I hobble over to my little cottage, since I apparently have one in this village, and find a small urn outside, filled with soil. And I start to dig in it and rummage around with my paws. Then a bar pops up in front of my eyes, and I can see how my skill is getting higher, much like in The Sims.

Then my alarm goes off and I remember being very perturbed by the fact that I didn’t have a chance to finish raising my gardening skill before I had to wake up.

And then I had to remind myself that I wasn’t ACTUALLY playing the game.

Uhm… yeah….

I guess if crafting isn’t a big part of EQnext, my subconscious will be very disappointed.

You can block the tags, but not the enthusiasm

Hello world! Anybody following my Twitter might have noticed a slight increase in tweets and re-tweets regarding EverQuest Next. Anybody not the slightly bit interested in my complete fanaticism in the EQ-, EQ2- and EQNext franchise and MMORPGS are advised to filter out the tags #EQnext, #EQ2 and #SOElive. Because there is likely to be much, much more where that came from.

I have had a long, standing love affair with EQ2 since it was released in 2004, and have been waiting for EQ3, now known as EverQuest Next, for years now. Rumours have been out for a long time and now, finally, they will do a big reveal at SOE Live in Las Vegas, in the beginning of August. Seriously, I am so excited now that I almost can’t sleep. I am dying to get to know EVERYTHING. So far, very few details have slipped out from the EQnext team, all in a very controlled fashion. The game has not even been released yet, but still it has won awards at this year’s E3. The hype is huge.

I am so freaking excited. I feel like screaming: “It’s so fluffy, I could die!”. That is the voice in my head, when I think about the game.

So… Big reveal at SOE Live in Vegas on August 2nd. Hopefully a release date before the end of the year. Then you’ll know where to find me…

What’s up?

I haven’t blogged in a long while, and I have missed writing down words and putting them together into some sort of sentences, so here’s a haphazardly random blog post about my rather mundane life.

So, I’ll just imagine that you, dear reader, just turned to me with a glass of rosé in your hand, asking me: “Giiirl, what’s up in your life?!”. And I’ll be like “Hey giiirl, so much is going on!”. Of course, in this scenario, I am also holding a glass of rosé, and I might just have exaggerated a bit, because, not all that much HAS been going on, in my opinion. Rather, I have been trying to save up some energy to do much at all, by not doing much at all. I’m getting there. Somewhere I will find my balance, and I won’t feel as out of sorts anymore. I have a pile of “important things I really want to pay attention to and sort out”, including all of my correspondence for this spring, sorting out permission for my driver’s license, backing up my photos (yikes), possibly actually post-process some of them and generally just get my life in the state of order that I like, that sweet spot of order that makes the squishy insides of my brain relax.

So, let’s go: Giiirl, what’s up? Well, the biggest news is that I got a new job. It all went very quickly, so I am still in a state of surprise. I applied for a job I was really interested in, got to go to a couple of interviews and then signed the papers within ten days. How the heck that happened I do not know. I guess sometimes it’s just about luck and timing.

Been at the new place  for a few weeks now, and my brain still thinks that I am on some sort of temporary visit, and that I’m going back to my old job any time soon. It’s a weird feeling. I was at my old place for over six years, so I was pretty set in my ways. So far I’ve managed to end up in the right place in the mornings, but it wouldn’t surprise me if one day I’d just go on auto pilot and go to my old place. Wont I be confused… Better stock to a strict coffee breakfast.

As far as timing goes, the two weeks we’d booked for going over to the UK this spring to visit family happened to be booked just a couple of weeks before I started my new job. So that was lucky! It was so lovely to see the in-laws again, as always. I wish we could go see them a bit more often.

We spent time with the family, took a small weekend trip to the Eden Project in Wales, and spent a couple of days in London. I took a ton of photos! If I can get my ass in gear, I’ll post some of them here.

These are the main events recently. Other than that I have mostly been trying to get my mojo back after a rather challenging start of the year. There was quite a few months where I spent most of my energy at my job, so I am far behind with everything else. Email, correspondence, seeing friends, seeing family, gaming, crafting. Books have been piling up on my bedside table. I haven’t been very good company to Jed. I’ve missed birthdays and other important occasions.

I am slowly catching up; with life, with happiness, with inspiration. I’ve been focusing on slowing things down and centering my life around things that will make me feel relaxed and give me energy. Sometimes that thing has just been about doing nothing at all. Sometimes it has been about letting go of thoughts and trying to craft and create art. It’s not always easy to find your way back. It’s a bit like yoga; you have to strengthen your core to find balance.

Bloody Monday

It’s another bloody Monday, peeps and popcicles! Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr is filling up with happy or grumpy messages about another start of another week, the hope of new possibilities or the woes of even getting out of bed. Personally I am always rather torn; getting out of bed on a Monday morning is always a struggle for me. On the one hand, the bed, which is not really a very great bed, is oddly enough never as comfortable as it is at 06:15 in the morning on a Monday. And the onset of a new week at work seldom feels very positive for me, since I have usually spent half the night awake trying to organize the week in my head I am acutely aware that no matter how much I plan and prepare for work, there is no chance in hell I will ever get everything done in time, and that something critical and more prioritized will come along and ruin my plan anyway. So, I am most certainly a Monday grouch.

Oooon the other hand: a new week means a full new week of new pod casts, youtube eps, books to read, movies to watch, music to discover, crafting projects to start or finish, art to make, stories to write, exciting research to be made, poems to be written coffee dates with my boo; a new chance to do all the things I want to do, if I am lucky enough to have any energy after work. Last week was horrible; after-work-hours found me comatose and the week ended with me getting a cold, but, you know… in the best of worlds, a Monday means all that new and fun shit.

Winter all in all is largely comatose for me. I am like a little fuzzy hermit bear who wants to sleep all through the cold and dark. But, another month or so, hoping for an early spring, might mean I’ll get back in the saddle and maybe have some energy to be social and such again. The winter is no joke for a vitamin D-deprived, misanthropic introvert like me.

So, that was MY Monday grumble! Bet you wish you could have those minutes back? Ha! Here comes a round-up:


Bloody monday


Made some new earrings recently, and finally got around to taking pics and putting them up on Etsy. The style varies a lot from one pair to another, which is what happens when one spreads out one’s entire stash and mindlessly just starts experimenting and let one’s mind wander while watching a funny movie. Anyhow, don’t be shy to check them out, maybe you’ll find something you like! There are also some new silver pieces up there.

I finished “Flowers for Algernon”! A book that’s been on my to-read-list since I was about 12, but I’ve never gotten to it. Until now! Because Micu sent it to me for Christmas! Books are such awesome gifts <3 There is just something special about reading a book that someone gifted you, saying “Hey, I really like this book and I hope you like it too”. And since I’ve had some really tired weekends, having a great book to read has been blissful.

LOTRO Online – I have uninstalled you, so sorry. WoW – You always tempt me, especially when my friends asks me to play you again. Secret World –  I miss you. EQ2 – I miss you the most, baby, don’t ever change. EQ Next – I have you on my dance card. City of Steam – Colour me intrigued… Halo, all of you, I want to hug your CD-cases and call you George. Effing Candy Crush –  I fricking hate you.

Android Apps I cannot live without
Wunderlist. How I’ve even managed to remember getting dressed in the morning without this app, I do not know.As you might guess, it’s a list app. You make lists (plural, for sure) and cross things off. You can use it on your phone or their website, and it all syncs up. You can share lists with other people. It seems to be an app for a lot of different platforms as well, at least I know I’ve seen it for iPhones too, if anybody cares about that.

Health & such
I keep going to yoga and it’s always GREAT. I mean it. You know how people say that everyone would benefit from going to therapy? Ditto for yoga.

Movies & TV
Having a bad cold, when all you can do really is lie on the couch and sort of blink your eyes, and half fall asleep every so often, is an excellent time to watch everything worth watching on Netflix. Which I have now done. We’ve had the service for four months now, and are sort of done with it. And all they’ve added lately is season 2 of “Modern Family”. Besides that and Fringe, there are not much else we want to watch on Netflix, which is bothersome. Also, speaking of bothersome and Netflix, here are some of my pet peeves: One show claim to have 30 episodes on Netflix, and when I reach ep 15 they stop. Shows that have already been airing all their eps, maybe 3 or 4 seasons worth, a long time ago and is done and cancelled, still only have the first season up on Netflix. The suggestions for “Comedies” and “dramas” are COMPLETELY off. The suggestions for TV Comedies are ALSO completely off. Especially since most of the comedy shows they actually HAVE are not even in that list of suggestions.

Lofty plans that needs proper planning!
My trip to Budapest! Vacation in the UK! Midsummer! Worlds sweetest sis-in-law coming over! Running/jogging/crawling a race in August! Birthday bash in November! Woop woop!




That was it for this time. Have a happy week!

I’m Down with the Dog

So, I’ve gone and done it. I’ve joined  yoga class. Like, one of those proper hippie ones in a basement that smells of incense, one of those classes where participants actually do the weird, heavy breathing and look ridiculously healthy and peaceful, where the instructor actually moves around during class correcting your positions (yeah…). As you can probably discern from the language I am using right now, I obviously have some preconceptions about this.

But I LOVE yoga. I always have. I‘ve just never gotten very far with it, because I’ve always done yoga in big gym with instructors that are going through the motion and don’t explain things properly, big gyms that are always packed with people and where it’s usually hard to even get a slot for yoga because everyone pre-books the very second the slots are released.

So now I’ve signed up for a class where the spot will always be mine. The instructor is great. The people are nice. Nobody is shoving you to get more room. And like I said, the instructor actually corrects your stances.

For instance, whenever people in the past have said “Ooh, Downward Dog is such a wonderful resting position”, I’ve been all like “Fudge you, lady! Downward dog is fudging breaking my back and killing my shoulders, what the fudge are you talking about?!”. And then I went to this class. I was standing in the Downward Dog position and was shaking all over and feeling like a proper noob, even after ten-twelve years of now-and-then yoga, when the instructor comes over and just… corrects it. And I get it. And it actually IS kind of a resting position, after all. And my brains goes “Ahaaaaa… Gee, now I love this even more”.

This dog isn’t doing Downward Dog, it’s doing the Cobra
This dog might be doing Downward Dog
This dog might be doing Downward Dog
I have no idea what this position is called...
I have no idea what this position is called…


I don’t even know where I was going with this post, because I have distracted myself with funny dog pictures… Oh yeah! Do you sorta like something and would like to like it some more? Consider taking a class. It’s fun.

Also, the name Downward Dog is funny. I can’t help giggling every time I say it. Because I’m twelve.