Sometimes I feel this blog has completely died and think I might scrap it completely, and then sometimes I want to write something and revive it and be all blaze and glory. Maybe it just feels dead because I’ve let my inner introvert run wild for quite some time, and I have not been feeling very computer/social media friendly for a long while now. In short my life has pretty much been of the read-only variety lately.
Then the seasons shift and new things happens and your life changes and when the dust finally settles, when things have had their rest, then you look back and realize that time has run ahead of you. You pick up your bags and try to catch up, and along the way you pick up things you’ve lost for a while and those things are more precious than ever. But they might seem foreign too you now and you don’t know how to approach them any more.
That’s the thing; life and routines and emotion and involvement always swerves around in never-ending circles and waves. It pulsates. Much like the blood pumping through your body.
I have no point or conclusion to these ramblings. In all honesty, all I really want do is cuddle up at home with a glass of wine and sort through all my photos from the last year, craft, game, write and generally feel creative and prolific in an introvert kind of way. Bundle up in a coat and a long scarf and go for walks and look at pretty trees with the leaves changing. Drink hot chocolate. Cook an awesome bortsj. Draw a big map of my life on a wall somewhere, step back and look at it and see if I might get a handle on all my projects and plans and things I need to do.
Maybe, if I draw a map, and write everything on post-it notes, connect the dots with multi-coloured pieces of string and tack photos to the wall for visualization, I will finally be so organized that nothing will slip through my fingers. All the secrets to stay focused and proper would be unravelled. Although, I imagine it would look like something planned by a mad man or a super villain. An evil master plan to travel in time. A bit like one of those crazy people in Criminal Minds or Heroes. When you don’t feel like you have a handle on life, those crazy fictional characters don’t seem so cray cray no more.
Sometimes I feel like I need to make like the Doctor and regenerate. That’d be nice. I wonder what my new face would look like.