I am a musical omnivore, but it is no secret to anyone that knows me that I completely loath anything that has to do with the Eurovision Song Contest. The music gives me a rash (this is actually not an exaggeration, I do genuinely get stress hives from it. Though, this is information that I should probably not be giving away quite so candidly, in case some secret agent ninja would want to torture me for information). Of course it generates a lot of social functions among my acquaintances, functions which I never attend. There are a lot of things I would expose myself to, if it meant hanging out with my friends. Austrian brass bands in lederhosen. Potato races. Rolling perfectly good cheese down a hill. I even went to see the finals in some sort of European soccer championship on a big screen in a park once, to get to hang out and have a beer with people I like.
I digress. And I have never rolled a cheese.
Anyway; I usually don’t even know what the winning song sounds like, even if they play it everywhere-all-the-time, because it just doesn’t register for me. But since I read newspapers online, there are headlines that sadly can’t be ignored. Because my eyes can’t magically filter out text before I’ve read it. Crap eyes…
I bet cyborgs would have that sort of filter. Their eyes would be programmed to not read crap.
So, because the headlines are everywhere I have now learnt that there was a semifinal this week. And that there’s a group of really popular Russian grannies that are threatening the victory for the Swedish competitor, in the lottery that is the Eurovision Song Contest.
And then curiosity overtook me.
Because, in my mind, this popular group of Russian grannies would have to be something amazing with all that press; a wrinkly granny-equivalent of the singing monks, and ethnically exquisite with exotic harmonies that would shake everyone to the very core of their being. I actually expected a song I would like to listen to.
So I youtubed it. And this was not the case.
Party for everybody, dance. Come on and dance. Come on and boom, boom.
In all fairness, if one reads an English translation of the lyrics and just reads the part that is actually translated from Russian, the lyrics are pretty life-affirming and beautiful.
They are adorable, of course. The littlest one remind me a lot of my great grandmother. And they seem to be a fun bunch of courageous old ladies that wanted to try and raise some money for their church. But it really wasn’t the raving sensation I expected. I really wish I hadn’t watched it. It can never be erased from my mind (certainly another advantage with being a cyborg). And I curse the headlines for making me curious enough to youtube it.
But mostly I curse myself for allowing myself even a smudge of hope before I started searching for the clip.