The Cuddle Negotiations

 

Cat: Attention, plix

Me: I can’t right now, I’m busy typing something

Cat: Pay attention to me, now!

Me: No, I told you…

Cat: Naaa-oooooow!

Me: Oh, shush you!

Cat: Naaaaa-ooooow! Naaaaa-ooooow! Naaaaa-ooooow!

Me: Oh, ok, come here then

Cat: Noes! You come to ME!

Me: Why don’t you just come here so that I can scratch your head?

Cat: No! You come here. I’m sitting my butt down right over here and wait for you

Me: Fine, suit yourself then. I’ll just ignore you

Cat: …

Cat: …

Cat: … Hello?

Cat: Hell-oooh?

Me: I’m ignoring you

Cat: But I’m so cute! Look at me!

Me: No, I won’t look at you

Cat: But, but, I’ve fallen over! I’m broken cat! Look!

Me. Stop it!

Cat: Look! I’ve fallen over! Look at my fluffy tummy!

Me: Now you’re just being silly

Cat: Look at me stretching! Look at my fluffy tummy! It’s very soft, I promise!

Me: Well, you are pretty cute…

Cat. I really am!

Me: Oh, okay then. I’ll come over and pet your tummy.

Cat: NO! I won’t let you! I will make crazy noises and run away one meter as soon as you come close to me!

Me: What the hell?

Cat. Chase me…

Me. No!

Cat: Come on, chase me, you know you want to!

Me: No way, little dude

Cat: But I’m so cute! Come get me. I won’t run this time. Promise!
Me: You sure?

Cat: Yes. Come pick me up!

Me: Ok, here goes, no sudden moves, I’ll just…

Cat: NO! Don’t touch me! I’m having a complete spaz out and running around the entire apartment! Waah!

Me: What do you WANT from me? Fuck this, I’m going back to my computer.

Cat: …

Cat: …

Cat: … Hello?

Cat: Hell-oooh?

Me: What?!

Cat: Are you mad at me?

Me: No, I’m not mad at you

Cat: Could we cuddle?

Me: Ok, come here then, here’s my lap

Cat: Could you pick me up?

Me: Ok, little one, come here

Cat: This is nice

Me: Yes, it is

Cat: I approve

Me: I can’t type now, though

Cat: It doesn’t matter. Scratch my head now, human

Me: Okay, just for a little bit…

 

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